I’m Not Perfect But I’m Loved

img_0645-0My thoughts taken from a teaching by Joyce Meyer.


As a believer in the word of God, I’ve spent years hearing it all from the mouths of those who aren’t always reading a book written by and about a loving creator. My Creator.

Even though we’re born again many times our soul is full of poison. bitterness, resentment, anger, greed, hatred, jealousy, envy, worry, strife, anxiety, fear and on and on. We dress it up, we take it to church, we smile at each other. And that doesn’t mean we won’t go to heaven when we die, if you’re a believer in the Holy Bible, we know we all have the choice to go to heaven but you’re never going to enjoy your journey, and you’re not likely to take anybody with you if you don’t get the mess in your own soul straightened up. We need to think how to talk right, act right think right.

I don’t intend to be a sneaky believer or a quiet believer. My actions that people see should be a positive light, that by my actions may bring someone hope, in Christ. I have no quotas I must meet, no judgements I must place on others. Far from it. That’s not my place & it’s extremely fulfilling knowing I can love who I want, when I want, in accordance to His word, not taken out of context. I do not have to miss out on knowing and loving someone because of fear, condemnation. I do NOT believe that the “Kingdom of Heaven” is reserved for just a few based upon the preaching of a man or woman on a Sunday morning. Reading excerpts from a book with many interpretations, and choosing scripture out of context to fit our sometimes selfish selves. There are wonderful teachers of the word out there, and they walk WITH us and are there to teach God’s word, not their own agendas or what might be “popular” at the time.

For me the only way to be happy is to be aggressively generous. I don’t wait to feel like it, I don’t wait to want to, I do it everyday because I wasted enough of my life being sad & mad now I want to be glad. So everyday I wake up and take a big spoonful of humility and generosity. I’m here to serve God. He’s coming back for me and I’m going to stand in front of Him and give an account and I want Him to be proud of me, and to know how grateful I am for the life I’ve been blessed with. It’s time to get rid of our baby bottles, pacifiers and grow up and be the men & women of God we say we are as we pass judgement on others, judgement that’s not ours to make.
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Get It Where You Can – Solitude

imageGod is the ULTIMATE artist. Creating unmatched beauty for His Children. I’m a child of THE most High God. It is this that strengthens my soul, gives me hope and peace everlasting!
Well, since I’ve found myself slowed down by Lupus, I also found myself full of anxiety. Wanting to rush around again but stuck in a body that won’t move and has no intention of moving around anytime soon. However, the great thing is, I discovered mesmerizing sunsets viewable from the places I live and visit frequently. The kind that draw a person in and forces the senses to focus on the beauty of something out of our control…. the sky paintings every morning and night.

Believe me, this is a challenge for me. To focus long enough to notice something and once noticed, the intense focusing on everything “that something” has to offer in the ten minutes God is painting it. Changing the colors, the patterns, intensity. HOW do those clouds and that sky go from a light, plain blue to a spectacular slow motion movie that forces me to sit still and feel better? No drug I’m prescribed has been able to give me ten minutes of positive energy, hope, pain relief like these sunsets. The medication eases the pain, but not the heart & soul. For me, seeing this beauty helps my soul. A God who can create such beauty in a world gone mad can heal what hurts me and if not heal, He helps me through it. You just can’t lose when you believe in a higher power, that there is more to this time we spend on earth than the hills & valleys we find ourselves in. That being a kind, compassionate, loving person is so much better than filling ourselves with bitterness.

So to summarize, when people ask me how I get through the tough times? I have to say my Faith, Humor, sunrises and sunsets.

Peace, Susie

Sharing my secret solice

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Surreal view of clouds as sun sets on Broken Top mountain


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Sun sets and finalizes the color change on the Cascades


Small juniper tree stands in front of sunset


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Cascade mountains, Broken Top & the South Sister of the Three Sisters mountains


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Mt. Jefferson January 2015


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Sunsets and moon appears on Cascade Mountains


Barbwire and mountains

Barbwire and mountains


You Don’t Look Sick, But You Do Look Old – Aging

Me with new grandson, Kade Robert 12-14-14

Me with new grandson, Kade Robert 12-14-14

With the New Year always comes new promises to myself. If I keep them…. wonderful! If I don’t…. awww that was a bit out there, I’ll re-evaluate that one next year if I’m fortunate enough to see 2016 which my chance of seeing it is as likely as the next person.  I don’t feel that Lupus SLE or pancreatitis or living near an active volcano, Mt. St. Helens, puts me in the “danger to not see the next year” club more so than the next person. I am not, unfortunately, the type of person who can make myself a nice, warm cup of green tea and sit at my kitchen table staring out at the grandeur of the breath taking, snow covered mountains I’m blessed to live near. To relax and go deep in thought of life, loves, future. I truly wish I could slow down and do so. But I am the type of person who tramples through each day I’m able to on fast forward as my Lupus allows, at high speed, breaking things as I go and missing out on so much. That is why I tell myself I’m not a marathon runner like my daughter, because I can’t pace myself. I would start out in a sprint as fast as I could go and you would find me at the 3 mile mark, passed out and done, not even making it far enough to get the T-Shirt or a medal for that matter. Slow and steady wins the race and benefits from the beauty that surrounds us all.  But I was able these last several weeks to slow down and take it all in which started me on the process of looking at my life and what things I’d change if I wanted to and could, and what things I might want to change but have to realize, I can’t.

I ended 2014 at the bedside of my brother-in-law passing away of heart failure and two days later, sitting in the waiting room awaiting the arrival of my third grandson. All of 2014 I’ve been living with my other sister and brother-in-law who is suffering from pulmonary fibrosis. My sister (his wife) is a breast cancer survivor for the last 15 years and recently it came back and she finished up 2014 with her second mastectomy and a smile on her face. Both of my sisters are older than I am and are like parents/best friends to me.  I was an accident they say, born to my parents late in life and spoiled rotten.

Braeden and little brother Kade

Braeden and little brother Kade

As if God wanted me to see that nothing is set in stone here on earth. That doctors can predict, “you are terminal and have 6 months to live, get your affairs in order” (as in the case of my brother-in-law with pulmonary fibrosis) but you’ve passed the 6 month mark and have lived on for another 12 months and still going strong, a bit less active but living life. That the person who seemed healthy as a horse suddenly passes away of heart failure. That you may have breast cancer AGAIN but are now titled, “breast cancer survivor” for the second time.  All these events made me think that God wanted me to see that LUPUS SLE is not a death sentence, a “my life as I know it is OVER and I will be bed ridden and NEVER enjoy another outing or activity again.” way of thinking was really wasting some valuable time. That worrying about the worst case scenarios in a situation only takes away from the blessings you really do have. The obvious pain and limitations persist, but I’m learning to live with it and say it’s OK to retreat to my bed and take care of my body and my soul.

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THE RELATIONSHIP OF RELATIONSHIPS

Good

I’ve been on a mission of late to try to pinpoint “when” SLE ( Systemic lupus erythematosus ) entered my life. Why I “got” SLE. Why, in the twelve years I’ve dealt with it I’ve had serious flares and symptoms, and other times I’ve managed my symptoms enough to get some things accomplished.


“Recently a freak snow storm hit and we were all stranded more or less and stuck inside with hours of either boring TV, a book we’ve already read or best for me, our uninterrupted thoughts.”


I never truly connected the affect my personal relationships had on my illness. Although those close to me, family, friends and even my physician who’d known me for years could see the correlation, see me go “down Continue reading

BEAUTY OF NATURE

Three Sisters Mountains at sunrise

Three Sisters Mountains at sunrise

Time to start a Glorious Day

Time to start a Glorious Day

God really knows how to wake me up in a good mood!!

Recently, the sunrises and sunsets where I live have been spectacular.

God's wake up call

God’s wake up call

I’m not a photographer, but I just had to grab my iPhone and do my best to capture the moments. These photos don’t do the real sight justice.  It was almost magical, a calming time for me.  The colors and perspective were unbelievable.  I’ve realized the beauty around me finally.  It only took 40 years.

Beautiful colors at sunrise

Beautiful colors at sunrise

For so many years all I wanted to do is get out of town! Leave, go find myself in this boring place.  It’s normal though, and I did leave and live elsewhere. Followed my dreams, worked jobs I loved, lived in areas of the country I enjoyed.  But NOTHING compares to the views I have here where I was raised.  I understand why my parent’s always called this “God’s Country.”

imageThank you mom and dad for reminding me that I could always come home.