Spreading Awareness or am I Finding Purpose

I began this blog a while ago. I had zero direction other than I had something to say…. about just about everything! And I found my words to be an endless river of complaining, ranting, and purging what I felt was wrong in any given situation in my life.

When I slowly lost interest in keeping up with “blogging” I also lost interest in sharing anything because I had become a big downer.

It’s one thing to feel overwhelmed by sad events, bad news, poor prognosis, loneliness and feeling as if the universe had finally got to my place in line, it had now become my turn. The universe had looked over my resume and found me to be quite ungrateful for the wonderful life I’d been handed and was really mucking it up with all these negative posts, and woe is me stories.

My purpose for writing a blog had always been to share my stories about becoming ill later in life and great, positive words and thoughts to write, share? Inspire and help. Boy did I ever miss that mark!

Gosh, I can really complain and blame. So I stopped writing. If I had nothing nice to say, then stop writing it! And I did.

It was a good decision to do so. Because I’m not a writer, number one, and number two, it was bringing ME down!

Fast forward to now. After three years of struggles with Achalasia under my belt, I found my voice in vlogging. I’m able to express my self the best and in the truest form of me through speaking about my life.

Maybe I’ll find a happy in between point. I think I’m starting to.

I started my YouTube channel eleven years ago, it was about learning to play bass guitar as a form of doing something therapeutic for myself after my Lupus diagnosis. It was fun, helpful, and indeed therapeutic.

During this time, my health went down hill but I’ve learned a lot about coping with everything associated with illness. The most important lesson I’ve learned was what works for ME specifically. That would be by combining my love for music with the challenge of learning to play bass guitar, which is my favorite musical instrument, I could escape my dark thoughts of “why me,” “why am I constantly getting new and worse symptoms,” and, will I ever be well again?

Getting to the point here, my answer is yes. Yes it will help and I WILL, not meaning to, find purpose.

I’m enjoying making videos discussing my Achalasia and Lupus. I feel my personality is better expressed in talking about it, rather than writing because that’s how I’m wired.

So, my channel was restarted, but with a new theme, Achalasia. I don’t honestly care about the number of visits or subscribers. I enjoy sharing my story and hearing other people’s journeys.

I’m happy having this place to talk, even if it’s just to myself. I honestly am.

So, like they say, visit my channel! I’m just getting going. It’s about my diagnosis of Achalasia, lupus and eventually will discuss how playing the bass and music in general helps me heal and helps my soul.

Visit it at

https://www.youtube.com/emusedone

Click on my Achalasia playlist, there are also playlists of my bass guitar attempts!

Thank you and here’s hoping that if you’re finding yourself down or lonely, remember there’s always a positive to be found. Always.

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