Humor just doesn’t cut it somettimes….

On my way to see my Doctor. Not so chipper on my way home though.
On my way to see my Doctor. Not so chipper on my way home though.

I haven’t posted a note in a long time, too busy dealing with the illness I write about.  I write about it in an attempt to deal with it.  Using my sarcastic humor which has helped me in many situations through the years, I’ve been able to leave this blog after my thoughts have been published feeling a bit lighter, optimistic.  However, lately it’s just not happening.  Loved ones passing away around me, dismal reports from uninformed doctors who don’t really know my medical history, telling me how bad things are. I’m missing my recently retired specialist of the last 20+ years.  He had this all under control…”THIS?” is “ME.”  If things were good we talked and laughed, if things weren’t looking so good, we still talk and laughed, with just a hint of seriousness and a lot of hope mixed in.  I still walked out of his office feeling like I will be going into remission any day now.  POSITIVITY & humor are my favorite scripts.

I’ve literally fallen apart lately.  How unfortunate! I was on a roll, a good one.  I may be in pain constantly, or staring at the ceiling at 2:00 am thinking about my latest bad blood test or hospital stay, but before Dr. Wonderful retired, I had an advocate.

I’ll get it together! Unless I get admitted to the hospital again for some new symptom.  I think I ache more for the people I see have just received their diagnosis, or worse yet, have been ill for so long without a diagnosis and waiting to get into yet another doctor for help.  What a true SICK CYCLE CAROUSEL.

My morning friend, Fred or Fredia the Hummingbird
My morning friend, Fred or Fredia the Hummingbird

Keep you chin up folks. There’s GOT to be help out there. Until then I’ll leave you with a couple of photos I’ve taken lately to take my mind off of Systemic Lupus (SLE). Remember, you are all loved, you WILL get through this, you don’t HAVE to smile all the time and pretend you’re fine. And it’s perfectly FINE if you are ill and don’t want to keep defending yourself to the unbelievers.  Can you tell I’m not having a good day? Week? Month?  Yep….. but it’s all going to be ok soon.  Until then, peace and love and God Bless you.

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