Lupus, Stress, Weight, etc. etc.

Ok, I’m a skinny person naturally. Always have been this little skinny person. That hasn’t stopped people through the years saying the following to me:
Have you lost weight?!
You need to put some weight on girlllll! You’re too skinny
Are you ill? Because it looks like you’ve lost MORE weight.
You looked better when you have more weight on you
Are you anorexic? Or bulimic?
YA know, men like women with curves.
Etc., etc.
Now, if the shoe was on the OTHER foot, people wouldn’t say things like, “you need to lose weight” etc. to the other end of the spectrum. People thought was had cancer and was getting chemo years BEFORE I ever had melanoma.
Since I’m on this, “I got Lupus SLE and I’m not happy about it, I’m sick of it, and if you are looking for kind words or advice with coping, this isn’t the place for you. I’ve spent many years as that person and I just need to get angry….BE ANGRY….then hopefully get it out of my system.
I went for my follow up appt. with oral surgeon today. Last week I had two infected teeth pulled, bone grafts done and posts put in to have teeth screwed on in six months, allowing for healing time.
All looks well!!! WHAT?! Something went right. Yesssss!
However, because I had surgery, lupus tends to get all jealous it’s not the main focus and it starts brewing some weird concoction of infection unrelated to my dental work. My lymph node under my right jaw is swollen and hurts. He took x-rays to see if it was from the teeth, tooth, mouth whatever and it isn’t. It’s coming UP from under my arm. Some infection. So to the doctor I will go this week.
That’s the thing about SLE, never a dull moment. There’s always something to look forward to, even though it’s not a good thing.
NO ONE in my family understands any of this. Unless they go with me to an apt., they think I just pull these ailments out of my…. Pocket. For sympathy? To get out of folding the clothes? Because I’m addicted to antibiotics? Who knows.
I honestly would love to live alone, where my illness didn’t have an affect on anyone. Where I could watch TV, fix what I want to eat, stay in bed when I needed to which is most of the time, not feel bad all the time because I can’t go to functions, or to the store or make a pie. Then, if I ever go into remission I’ll emerge from my self imposed hiatus and be everything to everybody!! Then I will buy a horse and begin riding and showing again, but then I’d need to buy a truck and trailer, entry fees….. Forget it. Life as I knew it is OVER. But new experiences await me so I’ll see what’s next :/
I may just take up target shooting!


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