Today I decided to start a blog (probably the third blog I’ve started then forgot about). But this “blog” is my rants & raves in dealing with Lupus SLE. You won’t find healthy recipe ideas or uplifting quotes of being a fighter or an inspiration. It’s the dark blog. Or, what’s REALLY going on, on a particular day with my Lupus & treatment. How I live with it, how I cope, what I’m feeling, what meds I’m on and how are they working. Stuff like that. Since I rely on social media these days to communicate, along with the fact I seem to NOT be able to keep a smile on my face lately, it’s best I blog it & not Facebook it. I could just write a diary or journal, both of which I’ve tried. I’ve got notebook after notebook and after finding them around & reading through ten years of entries, I’m depressed to say, my life hasn’t changed & I allow the same damn things to effect me & the same damn people to get away with it. I’ve always ended my journaling with “But it’s got to be ME causing it so I’ll continue to work on myself” oh how PATHETIC! I have been working on it, didn’t help. I have downloaded so many journaling apps I use once or twice I see that taking the time to tell myself what I already know isn’t a good use of my time. That if I’m going to bitch about my disease then I should let others in on the party!
See, I’ve always been known as this sweet, quiet, always smiling little person who never complains in public but does her share behind closed doors. But you can’t hold that real stuff in. You need to get it out.
Talk about behind closed doors! My last three hospital stays I’ve had ZERO visitors except for my ever faithful sister and brother in law. And a slew of doctors I’ve never met and they obviously don’t communicate because they all ask the same questions in a matter of five minutes, then run out of the room as if they were Batman exiting in secret efficiency with only the tail end of his cape in view, fading away. Nothing gets fixed, I have to use the call button to ask “do I get to go home today?” “One moment please, I’ll buzz your nurse” “ok thank you. Yes, please buzz her” Then I get their SEPARATE bills from the doctors & the hospital.
So I’m finding writing about it then seeing it the next day on Facebook saying OMG why can’t I just shut up! And I delete it. Isn’t the way to go.
I can only hope I’ll remember I set this BLOG up and that I’ll remember how to log into it.
I hope I figure this out.